?
How you are as a partner
What type of partner are you, tested in a real conversation
How you are over time, once the relationship has settled in.Eight ordinary evenings, seen by each of you, once nothing is urgent.
8
questions
1
minute
80+
avatars
Eight questions, no overthinking. Ready?
Under one roof, each at their own tempo
The lamp left on, the plan floated over dinner, the reunion after a week apart. Under each symbol sits a way of living as a pair, and each of you will find yours by playing.
Left on the kitchen table
Eight situations of life as a pair, put by a Persona. Each of you answers on your own, ticking a line or in your own words, and there is nothing to compare tonight.
The card belongs to whoever answered. It stays in their space and only goes out if they share its private link.
Watch yourselves live
Eight ordinary evenings, each on your own. Nothing to win, only what you do without thinking about it.
Choose the right room
Couple, conflict, character, each test lights a different room of the house. Take the one on your mind right now.
Put it into words
The test can make you want to talk about it. A Persona is there to try it out on first, before you say it to the other person.
The long stretch of ordinary evenings
This couple test looks at what comes after the first rush: what gets said or kept when something chafes, the room left for the other and the room kept for oneself, the way the future gets pictured. Habits of the kitchen and the sofa, rarely chosen.
Each of you answers alone to eight situations, put by a Persona over the course of a conversation. Nobody grades, you say what you would do. This free relationship test gives each of you a temperament family and an avatar, to make sense of how you are as a partner.
Three of the eight situations
Scenes from the kitchen, the sofa and the shared calendar.
- A niggle carried for a week without knowing when to say it.
- A free evening, and two different ideas of what to do with it.
- The reunion after seven days apart.
A couple personality test for the evening when nothing happens
An argument about money at seven, a lamp left on, a plan filed in a drawer under āweāll seeā. This couple personality test is about life as a pair when nothing has been decided, the slow time of evenings, weeks and reunions. Each of you answers alone, and afterwards the two of you can compare what you recognise.
The disagreement in the tea-towel drawer
The sentence has been waiting in your mouth for a week, and every evening looks too good to spoil. On money, you give way. The evening stays whole. The disagreement goes somewhere between the tea towels.
The subject comes before the soup
Before dinner the subject is already on the table, between the bread and the salt. You do not get up without an answer. Few blurry zones are left between the two of you, and the soup has time to go cold. Some nights the answer comes after midnight.
The living-room lamp stays on
A forgotten appointment, someone comes home on edge. You say it is nothing and take it in, the lamp on over the quiet house. Where does your own tiredness go meanwhile? It can come out all at once, on an unrelated Sunday.
Furious at seven, setting the table at ten past
The appointment was forgotten and the answer leaves before the coat is off, in the tone it deserves. Ten minutes later you are setting the table. Most of us have ended a row folding napkins. The other person may still be on your first sentence.
A door that takes ten minutes
A week apart: shower first, the hush of the hallway, the coat finally down. Then you come. A free evening, each in their own room, see you later. A door that takes ten minutes to open reads two ways, depending on who is waiting behind it.
Suitcase open, mouth too
Suitcase still open, everything gets told and everything gets asked, out of order. The free evening is an evening for two, by default. The other person may need, at some point, to say nothing at all.
Same table, same āweāll seeā
Moving in together, a year away: you say we will see. In five years, the same table, the same Sundays, the same slow morning. What works gets kept. The question that was asked sits on the worktop, waiting for its answer.
The calendar comes out before dessert
In five years, something bigger than the two of you, and the calendar is already out, dates included. Moving in together, a year away, it all arrives with a schedule. Who picked the destination, and who only accepted the date?
Nothing tilts and it all works out
No answer pulls hard to one side. You raise things during the week, leave the evening open, want plans that stand up. Arrangements get made fast with you. What is left is what you want when nothing pushes you, and who you tell.
Is adult love an attachment bond, a cousin of the one between an infant and its parents? That is what Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver proposed to explore in 1987. Two questionnaires, three styles borrowed from childhood (secure, avoidant, anxious), and one finding. Adults of each style experience romantic love in predictably different ways. The abstract itself admits measurement problems still to be settled. An ordinary Tuesday washing-up is nowhere in it.
Then comes the waiting. In their 1992 paper, John Gottman and Robert Levenson describe following seventy-three married couples, in 1983 and again in 1987. They sorted them on a single variable drawn from a balance theory of marriage, splitting āregulatedā couples from ānonregulatedā ones. Four years on, the second group had lower marital satisfaction, poorer health and a greater risk of dissolution. One variable, and four years of patience to see what it foretold. The split is the authorsā own, and their cascade model, in their words, received only āpreliminary supportā.
Our eight situations have been through nothing like that. Written for one evening, never tried out on a real couple, they remain questions asked at the corner of a kitchen table.
To read while the tea steeps
Your evenings, up close
Courage, gentleness, friendliness and ambition, seen through eight moments of life as a pair. It is a game, with no score and no scientific validation, and it does not replace a consultation. If you are not in a relationship right now, think of your last one, or the one you imagine.
In slippers, if possible
Say what you really do on a Tuesday night, tired, with no audience. No answer is the right one. Each of you answers alone, and the two cards cannot be compared on Strugggl yet.
One card each
After the eighth answer, the Persona asks for an e-mail address before showing the card. It stays in your space, and a private link lets you show it to the other.